The first counselling session I went to was kind of helpful, mostly because it felt really good to get everything off my chest. Not that I can't do that normally, but psychologists are trained to sound interested and get you to talk comfortably about whatever's bothering you, and your friends probably aren't. Anyway, the counselor's recommendation regarding feeling down was that it's natural that there will be both ups and downs, and I should just let it happen.
I went back for another session, and after talking about my expectations and goals and how I'm trying to go about this whole dating thing, the counsellor told me what, frankly, I felt I already knew: that I'm older, wiser, and mature, and perfectly capable of managing and figuring out how to do this on my own. The only part I struggle with is actually meeting new people who I could ask out. So, the recommendation was to do group therapy when it starts up for the fall semester, but otherwise that I probably don't need any more individual counseling.
Meanwhile, I've been slipping. I'm so excited for summer semester to be over, to have all my friends back in town for school, that I've been spending a lot of time with them and not much time exploring avenues that would be more helpful on the dating front. I have one or two ideas, actually, but they won't start for another few weeks.
Hmm, what else? I sort of made peace with Will, and we're back to being friends (as much as we were friends before for having just met recently). We got to talk some, and I've finally been able to get to understand him a bit better, and pump him for information from time to time. I'm embarassed to admit that he's not the oblivious person I sometimes thought he was; he's much more aware of things than I gave him credit for.
Anyway, he shared an insight about hooking up, that for him, the problem with hookups is that he inevitably falls for the person, and has trouble letting go. I'm glad to have heard this, because I know that's exactly the sort of thing I'd do right now. So I finally have a good reason, from someone who's actually been through the hookup-slut phase, to choose whether or not to do it myself.
So, I dunno. My initial concept with this blog was to share my insights and help other people, but I end up talking about all the things that I need help with instead. I'm not really sure what direction I want to go here. I'm also not sure that my idea of not blogging about things here until a week after they happen is smart, because I end up reliving things that I'd just gotten past; it ends up being kind of distracting.
A while ago, in the UK, I helped run national federation of local gay groups - we had about 120 scattered around England, with a few in Wales. Most were close to cities and in the bigger towns, but people travelled.
ReplyDeleteGuess what happened? People got over their shyness through doing things together and it becoming much more familiar to them - just being with gay people.
As a social group (initially listening to gay speakers and speakers talking about being gay) members began seeing each other outside meetngs (again, mostly for contact and support).
Occasionally a closer relationship and even sex resulted from these friendships and, as is the way of much of the gay world, younger guys were particularly sought after as friends!
Well - we did it in the UK for ten years or more before there was the internet or there were organised group all over the place, as there are now. Commercial stuff was pretty limited them too.
You almost need to start one of those groups, don't you? It would probs suit you down to the ground!
Hey welcome back!
ReplyDeleteBeen a long time since you last post, was beginning to worry you wouldn´t come back, been trying to contact you for a long time, I was starting to post on my blog and didn´t have an insider´s point of view. The thing is I just turned 25 last week and never until last year have I had a bf and thought I was too old for that and then ran into your blog and thought maybe I´m not that much old.
Either way, this is a place for you to write your thoughts leaving the shit and make some room for the important stuff, I´m always around if you need some help as a friend, just take care and be happy.
All the love
Me
I think you will find that if you do group councelling/therapy you will also take on everyone elses problems as well as your own, so you need to be very careful not to do that. The fact that others have problems can mean that they need to pass them on. They end up feeling better and you end up feeling worse. So be careful and set your own targets.
ReplyDeleteAnonynous should read Graeme.
ReplyDelete