Person vs image

I was trying to decide what I should start by talking about, and I realized it's obvious. There's one big thing that bothers me about so many gay people, it's the natural thing to start talking about.

Your sexuality is part of who you are, but there's no need for it to define your image. Or in other words, "what you are" is not the same as "who you are".

Your image is something you have control over. You can choose how you dress, how you talk, how you act. I'm sure we're familiar with the stereotypical fag who talks with a soft lisp and does the hand flip... that's an image. I'm not saying there are no people who are just naturally like that; I don't think all faggy gay boys choose to act like that, although I'm sure at least some do. But let's just say that those mannerisms aren't a choice; how you dress definitely is a choice. So let's take that as an example.

One particular guy comes to mind, someone I was in a class with. He had one particular shirt that had a silhouette of one guy giving another guy mouth-to-mouth, with the caption "This is my favorite part." Really? Is that necessary? I have a terrible gaydar and I knew you were gay from the moment you opened your mouth, so do you really have to wear that shirt? It comes across to me as being very in-your-face.

I can contrast that with another soft-spoken guy who also shows up on my gaydar. He has all the gay mannerisms, but what does he wear? Shorts, sneakers, and ordinary t-shirts. He dresses just like an ordinary guy. His gayness has nothing to do with how he dresses.

I think some queers (gays, lesbians, and all others) have this problem with letting their sexuality—what they are—determine their image—who they are. Why do they do this? I wish I knew, honestly. I think in parts it may be a sense of obligation, that because they're gay they have to act that way; maybe they're scared or uncomfortable about who they are, and it's a way to protect themselves. Maybe they're just overwhelmed at finally being allowed to do something they couldn't have done before they came out. I honestly have no idea.

I have to confess, it is appealing sometimes. For one, dressing in low-cut jeans and tight shirts and getting a nice haircut is awesome. :-D It can make you feel really good about yourself, and that's not something that should be downplayed. And although I usually go for a total straight-boy image, sometimes there's a gay joke or mannerism that's just too good to pass up.

And I don't think the two should be totally disconnected. I just don't think that your sexuality should be the overriding thing that determines your image. Your image should be a reflection of you, of what you think is important about yourself and how you want others to see you. If your most defining characteristic is that you're gay, you must be either really sex-crazed or very one-dimensional. Imagine an overly-stereotyped straight fratboy, whose defining characteristic is his straightness. How utterly uninteresting. What a turn-off. If the most interesting think you can say about yourself is "I like girls," there's not much to distinguish you from anyone else, right? Why should us fags be any different? Being gay is super important to me; it's had a huge impact on my life even in this short time. But that doesn't make it important to everyone else, and that's not how I'd like people to see me.

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Hmm... in retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have kicked off this blog with a rant, but hopefully you'll find it insightful.

So, tell me what you think. Have I hit the nail on the head, or am I hopelessly misguided?