Thursday, June 11, 2009

Unrequited love

One of the shitty things about being gay is that you will inevitably develop crushes on straight boys. It happens. It's unavoidable.

It sucks.

Honestly, it's so crushing (hah, no pun intended) to realize that you're interested in a person who will never love you. They may like you as a friend, they may be so physical with you as to hug you or even make out with you, but they'll never love you the way you love them.

Most likely, though, is that they'll never find out about it, because it's actually just some guy you see in the hallway or the classroom or the lockerroom or the bus, who you'd never dream of telling them what you think of them because they may not even know your name. Or maybe you don't know theirs. (Not bloody likely, that.)

Since it's bound to happen to every gay guy, we have to learn how to deal with it. I suggest the following:
  • Be sure to go swimming with them, or have them for a sleepover, or get them drunk, to maximize the chances of seeing their perfect, naked body (or at least part of it).
  • Look for people in porn that remind you of them so you can fantasize about them while you jerk off.
  • If you do reveal your feelings to the straight boy, be sure to have a breakdown cry-fest when you do it, to try and guilt them into having sex with you. Try goading them into something "harmless" like cuddling or sleeping together, if nothing else.
Oh? You expected me to say something like this:
  • Go find some actual gay boys to have crushes on. Developing crushes on straight boys will get you nowhere, so try to minimize the chances of it happening by cultivating gay friends who can actually reciprocate your feelings.
Well, yeah, that would be the smart thing to do, but it isn't always easy, and it doesn't make the straight boys go away... it just gives you something to look at as an alternative.

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